gray x8

hi,
I'm a little blue sometimes,
blue like bruises and teardrops,
hi,
I'm a little red sometimes,
Red like cherries and sweet sweet kisses.

but you,
you are gray...gray like hurricanes.

today our eyes met for half a second.
one of those first kind of half a seconds.
one of those I might see you in 5 years kind of half a seconds.
and I saw it, hurricanes. 
It was beautifully tragic.
A mysterious rain, plenty of rain, honey how do your eyes hold so much rain?

You wear striped socks and a white smile plastered on your face, trying to hide all that gray.
We are all trying to hide.
The writing on your hands,
the slightly curved Mona Lisa smile,
the almost broken knuckles,
the oversized sweaters,
and those eyes
Screaming
Because nobody wants to be gray.

But, gray is so much more than just a color.

you are so much more than just a color.
and you're getting so much closer to 1am than I ever have.

I know you want to be army green or some sort of burnt sienna.
But we both know exactly why that isn't true.
I'm not sure what I'm trying to say to you.
I don't know your story, or who you are.
I just think there is a little something more to everyone.

a little more to long car rides
a little more to fighting parents
a little more to chapped lips
a little more to you

I wonder what you see when you look outside at night,
when the trees are all bent over backwards,
when the moon looks like blood.

What do you see?

Gray.
All you can see is gray.

and I've lived my whole life not knowing how beautiful gray can be.

an ode to survival

We're the kind of people with gym floor bruises

With crushes since sophomore year and ambition running through our anxious minds. 

surviving.

lying to get out of family dinners and

Watching her head on his shoulder and his hand holding someone else's  heart.
Surviving.

Waiting for Sunday's because they are for driving around these tangled streets, just to feel the desolate silence we all seem to forget.

We always seem to forget.

for all those "not my day" days

And "I'm okay" days

Surviving 

 Sometimes we chase cars and play with God mind, but only because we're bored. 

We fear ourselves more than this world.
Walking these streets with messy heads full of stress and with cigarettes as conversations starters.

Surviving.

And right now, earth is about 62 Billion miles away from thinking.
and the process is stuck in 123's and the pronouns are all mixed up.

Every single step taken starts to be something insignificant

And every destination seems to be the same.
We start to go nowhere when we all just want to be somewhere

You know exactly what it's like to survive. 

It's like writing poetry for grades

It's like having friends for status

It's like being late for work
It's like kissing for money
It's like reality that never stops hitting
It's like THIS

We have all gotten stuck just trying to survive. 

Just Trying to survive Day in and day out.

Because there are some of us that would rather survive than be alive.

But, Last night the sky painted this city a lovely shade of pink and blue and I decided it wasn't surviving.

It was living. 

Ya'll we need to start living. 

I know that is such a cliché

But hell, this highschool is a cliché

Let me just tell you that there are Moments to survive.

Moments to be a robot.
Moments to follow street lamps and green lights.

And moments to live in déjà vu.

But there are also moments to live for.

I want to live.

So, Let's Start living for something.