Do You See Me?

Hi, I'm an impracticable artist.

I have dreams as big as New York City and hands that love to paint more than hold.

 my mood changes with the seasons. 

 I romance with night skies and listen to music more than I listen to my parents.

The school hallway scares me and so does the future. 

I fall in love to easily and to often, But I don't mind.

I like clouds, stories, flowers, and of course the Arctic Monkeys.

Hi, my name is Casandra Jade Orgill.

Hi, my name is C.J.

This is me

 and I want you to see me.

I want you to see a girl full of laughter and mystery.

Someone who dreams of England and craves Adventure.

I want you to see me through words and though art

 and see me through everything I have written here.

Because this is who I am.

Thank You for seeing the world through my eyes.

Thank you for the comments.

Thank you for hearing me and listening.

Thank you for the inspiration.

Thank You Nelson.

Thank You Sam

Thank You Cornelia

Thank You Timothy

Thank you Carina

Thank you Jackie

Thank you Everybody for your words.

Thank you for being part of my Paris.

This isn't goodbye. This isn't forgetting.

This is Thank You.

Never Disappear. 

losing my memories (mind)

I remember yesterday.

it was the first time I had picked up my guitar in what feels like years.

It felt like home.

And the memories of home fell back into a slightly curved smile.

I remember when all I would do was listen for a lonely whisper to match my own, 

I remember when  I kept my fingernails long enough for comfort.

I remember the way you called my darling and how Conversations always ended with a heavy heart.

I remember when I saw my dad cry. and cry. and cry.

I remember when all I wanted to do was paint because painting was simple and all I ever craved was simplicity.

I remember when I fell in love with a thunderstorm. 

I remember what you would say to me when I was sad, it was something between beautiful and forgotten.

I remember when an empty ' I love you ' meant a thousand words but one. 

I remember swinging under that big oak tree and dreaming about futures that didn't exist.

I remember the way you smiled.

don't you?

I remember cigarette smoke taking your breath away.

I remember when the world was made of hand guns. Maybe it still is.

I remember the way our parents would talk about high school.

I remember hellos, and I remember goodbyes.

I remember you, and I remember who I used to be.

I remember everyone who left.

I remember the way we laughed.

we always used to laugh.

I miss my memories. I miss our laughter.

I am trying to stand still and hold onto every memory.

but they keep slipping through my fingertips

Because some memories last longer than others.

Care can't cover her pain

Her name was ripped Jeans and anxiety

Hands shaking and heart beating

Her steering wheel knew more tears than finger tips

Lips as pale as the morning.

Untouchable and afraid.

She never knew the size of her heart because her puppet strings were made of fear.

Her name was lonely Fridays and anxiety

hair caught in eyelashes

admiration but never love.

spending midnights with the chimney and moonlights with the trees.

She always wrote the words 'hear me' all over her palms.

hear me.

hear me.

hear me.

But she forgot the way her palms looked a long time ago.

Her name was acoustic guitar strings and anxiety.

she lost her friends to silence.

she was a whisper in a world full of shouting.

Her secrets could cure the world and she believed that anything could happen.

Loved

Broken

Beautiful

Her name was conquering and anxiety

She fell in love with her thoughts

good music and star filled nights

she loves this world

Pine trees and stadium lights

Her name was pain

Her name was hurt

Her name was I care